Raw Emotion

My hope in starting this blog was to have more frequent posts detailing how my parents and I are moving through the aging process together.

I have not posted in some time.

The decisions and the processes are fraught with emotions. Some emotions are painfully sad. Some are so tender that it is hard to share.

I believe that there is value in sharing. The process of putting words on paper clarifies issues and can be a catharsis. A written history of these times will be valuable to remember the joy and fun that was had. I hope that it may be helpful to others as they face similar situations.

My parents and I moved from Savannah to Dallas almost a year and a half ago. I moved first and my parents followed several months later. We lived in Savannah for about twenty-three years.

We all chose to move. I wanted to be with my then fiancee, now husband, Bruce. Bruce and I both wanted Mom and Dad close to us, and they wanted the same.

I underestimated the effect that the move would have on my parents. In addition to the trauma associated with the major change, at the age of 80, they were hit with Covid lockdown upon their arrival.

They moved into their apartment, which I had ready for them upon their arrival. They opened the door to their new home and saw their bed all made up, their tv, their lounge chairs, their pictures … and of course Cory had her dog bed and toys. I had no idea when I was moving their furniture … hanging their pictures … setting up their kitchen, that this apartment would basically be all that they saw of Dallas for at least a year.

Thankfully, the love with which I set up their home came through to them and it became their safe haven.

In the last several months, there have been a couple of health issues that have made us fearful. We started to explore local senior living facilities.

I began the process convinced that they needed to move to a place where they would have socialization and also support. As I tend to be, I was forceful in my beliefs and it created some discord, especially between my mama and me.

I watched my parents as we toured these facilities. I saw a range of emotions, with the overwhelming one being FEAR.

Yesterday, I took lunch to them. When we were finished, I started the conversation. We have always had open and honest discourse in my family.

“I want to talk about these places we have visited. I am so worried about you both. I fear that you are not getting the socialization that you want and need to thrive. And my biggest fear is that one of you will die before we make a move, and it will leave the other one to navigate the new territory on their own.”

My parents have been together since they were fifteen. It has been the most amazing love story.

I will never forget my father’s response.

“Sweetie, do not worry about us. We enjoy socializing with each other more than anyone else. We always have. When one of us dies, it won’t matter what we do as the other will be broken-hearted.” His voice shook with emotion at that last part.

Beautifully tender and loving, yet also absolutely heartbreaking. How can life be both at once?

I love them so much and want them to be happy and not fearful at this stage of their life. I want them to enjoy their final years and I want to enjoy it with them.

They are in a place surrounded by memories of their life together. They see me, Bruce and their grand dog Dillon regularly. They are visited by my brother, sister-in-law and their grandchildren. They have doctors in the area.

They have each other.

I think that is all I can hope for right now.