to love too much?
This past weekend, my brother and sister-in-law visited. They stayed with my husband and me, and we spent time with our parents.
The visit was very special for me. I have struggled a bit over the last two years with all of the changes in my life. Overall, the changes were extremely positive, and yet to change everything at once is a bit unsettling.
To spend time with my brother, whom I have adored all of my fifty-four years, and my sister-in-law, whom I have loved for thirty-plus years in my new home was what my soul needed. To see them deepen connections with my husband gave me tremendous joy. It makes sense that I would be a bit sad when they left.
But there was more.
For twenty-three years in Savannah, when family would visit, my parents and I would get together after they left, reliving the joy of the visit. It was our way of putting the finishing touch on the experience. We would usually have an easy dinner, share our favorite parts of the visit and talk about how blessed and grateful we are.
My parents are struggling right now. My mom is suffering from pain and blindness in an eye, neuropathy in one leg, dangerously low blood pressure and falls often. My father broke his hip in December, had an emergency hip replacement and a subsequent fall, which has left him with a series of physical concerns. He is extremely weak.
They were tired after the family visit, so I did not go over to them on Sunday. Instead, I talked to them on the phone. When I tearfully told my mom that I was struggling and missed our usual routine, her response was, “sometimes I think we love too much.”
I cannot shake those words.
Watching my parents go through what they have endured breaks my heart. I think so often of Shirley Maclaine in Terms of Endearment. When her daughter (Debra Winger) is in incredible pain in the hospital, Shirley runs down the halls screaming for them to give her daughter the shot. I feel as if I am at that level of mania … often.
I want to make them better.
I want them to become stronger.
I don’t want them to leave me.
And yet all I can do is make certain that they are supported, feel loved and, at this point, are together.
I cannot make them stay with me. And it is breaking my heart into pieces.
8 comments
I’m having the same feelings as my oldest is getting ready to leave for college. It is so hard when relationships shift from old familiar patterns, and we grieve for what we used to have. I once heard grief described as love with no place to go, and I think that is true. But the love remains, and it finds new places to fill. Thinking of you, friend.
Oh Jen – that is so profound. I cannot believe you have a child going to college. Sending love to you, my friend.
Sweet Tunie,
When the time comes your parents will find a way to make it ok for you.
Just like they always have. When my parents left this life, as hard as it was I knew they
wanted to move on. You will have to love them enough to let them go.
Brenda – thank you for the kind words. That lesson is exactly what I am learning now. ❤️
Hi LeeAnn, I know how you feel, my mom lived with me for 12 years before she passed in 2014, it was hard sometimes seeing the change in her health. We were very close and I just enjoyed every minute of her last few years with me talking about old times. Don’t be too sad because they had a wonderful life that you also got to enjoy and you’ll of course miss them but it will get better day by day. I think of her each and every day, always with a smile on my face. Take care, love you 😍
Belinda – Such wise words and I know you are right. Miss and love you my friend. So grateful to remain connected. ❤️
Dear Tunie
This has been a very hard season of illness and weakness for me and my husband too. The most comforting thing has been the loving care and comforting concern of my family- Ben and Ann Andy and Pam and Stacey and Richard as well as our precious grandchildren
I think your parents would tell you too how deeply comforting it is to experience the love you give them!
Wish I could rush over with cookies!
Bobbie
Dear sweet Bobbie – I remember your gifts as a child always. So sorry to hear about yours and your husband’s health as well – and love that your family remains so close. I have so enjoyed being connected with them through facebook. Sending so much love, Tunie
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