To My Parents

This Wednesday, June 30th, is my parents’ wedding anniversary. They will have been married fifty-nine years. Since they were high school sweethearts, they have been together about sixty-four years.

I am so proud of them. On my second marriage myself, I know how hard it is. I have lived almost fifty-four of those years with them, and I have seen first hand what true love is. Their bond is the deepest and strongest that I have ever known. I have seen fights, unhappiness, stress … and yet, through it all, not being together was never a consideration for them. First and foremost, and starting at the age of 15, they are each other’s best friends.

Their history is a joint history. Many times I will say to my husband Bruce, I wish you could have know my grandmother … or I wish I knew your mother. My father called my mom’s mother “mom” since the age of sixteen. My mom campaigned for my dad’s father for many of his elections – including while pregnant with me and my brother.

I am so grateful to be close to my parents always, but especially at this stage of their lives. Watching them age has been incredibly bittersweet for me. It has – and will continue to be – a journey. I am open to all of the wisdom people are willing to share.

The other day, I had an annual doctor’s appointment. I went to have a cup of coffee with my parents before my appointment. On that particular day, my mom was not feeling well and told me of her pains. I immediately started with … what can we do? Let’s call your doctor and get a specialist and go to them right away. What about … or this …? My mom did not feel up to doing any of them, so it resulted in frustration on my part.

As I waited in the doctor’s office, I was struggling. I wanted to make my mom better … and I wanted her to want to be better. I also felt a bit sorry for myself as I remembered my doctor in Savannah and how she had become a dear friend. This was only my second visit to this doctor and I knew he wouldn’t remember me.

I was wrong. The doctor came in, picking up our conversation from a year ago. We are both believers in looking at the positives of life and had bonded over that a year ago. So when he asked me how my year had been, I answered with all of my blessings. We chatted a bit more and then he mentioned that many women my age were dealing with aging parents.

My eyes filled up. Forty-five minutes later and the doctor had given me some of the most valuable advice that I have received.

All you can do is give love to the situation. Do not take responsibility.

It took me a while to really understand these words. I can’t fix the pains for my parents. I can’t stop them from aging … and eventually leaving me.

What I can do is love them. Listen to them and feel their pain and commiserate – not tell them what they should be doing and then judge them for not doing it.

Already, I feel a release. I don’t feel like I am letting them down by not making them better. And I think they feel more heard and understood by me.

Most importantly, I hope they feel my love and I hope the strength of it gives them comfort and security.

Happy Anniversary Mama and Papa! I love you with my whole heart and soul.